Would you drop me a 'Hello', please ?

im thinking about him more lately, he appears like few times in my mind daily..
This is bad, no ?
:(
I've never had a crush and feeling this bad about it.
Tho.., i know i can't work on a relationship, maybe..
All this time, there was never a moment in my life i was ready for it.

i did webcam with K last night, pretty fun.., he was never really like my ex, so much like a bestfriend to me..
One thing i could not apply to any of the other ex i have.
i miss J too, i mean.., all those time in the past, all his heartless words, yeah, he has been busy with his study.. i really miss all those moments back in high school, because no matter how alone i felt, when i woke up from my siesta, they were always there and we did like all the crazy stuffs together.
Not like now, when my mom mentioned about friends, and i have no idea which one she refers to.., seems that i have no friends, except my girls, they are my only.
And days in hometown lately become a pain in the ass, i have really like nobody. Im taking this chance to become closer to my beloved siblings. They are my reason to come back here, in this little polluted town. I don't like the life here, the custom of all those Chinese, all those superstitious stuffs, so typical Medanese behavior, they are too much.

After spending Lunar New Year with family, i realized i lost all those years never paying more attention to my family, i know i was never close to my family, and family gathering was one thing i loathed from lunar new year. Yet, i have to admit that going abroad, being far apart from them, being all alone out there, it really teaches me a lot of things, from stuffs like family to all the little thing like cleaning, and saving money. I appreciate all those advices, don't much grumble when i am asked to do something.., it's just.., i am grateful.
And, then.., slowly thinking too.., perhaps i would take literature...
Because.., this is where my soul belongs to.., writing.
I know i might not be an author, writer or journalist, yet being able to master other language is merely my goal.

There was a time in the past i couldn't get a whole sentence from English songs, and i should say, all those little curiosity is what makes the today me. And the same thing applies to Chinese language. So i hope majoring in it specially would make me able to achieve my goal, right by the time after i graduate, i suppose :)

i also have no idea what makes me so attracted to Thai language. I think the writing looks so pretty, and the language spoken also sounds nice. Yet, this is my biggest problem, i have a serious problem in pronunciation. I wish there were a way to get rid of this Medanese tongue i have.